Disciplining Teenagers
Teenagers can be extremely hard to discipline, especially if
it is an area you haven’t devoted much time to in the past.
If a child has grown up with little or no discipline, it is
not surprising when they begin to rebel wildly as teens. The
question most parents ask, however, is, “What do I do now?”
Solving Discipline Problems
To solve discipline problems, one must tackle the issue
where it is now. It does no good to sit on the couch shaking
your head over what you should have done when he was a
toddler, or how it’s her mother’s fault she is so out of
control. Of course it is better to live in an ideal world,
but we don’t. Take charge now.
If you immediately jump in and begin setting limits, your
kid will balk. This is only a natural reaction to a child
that has not had limits previously. It is far wiser to take
small steps. Sweeping changes will be hard to enforce. Small
changes one at a time will be easier on everyone.
Curfew Example
For example, if your fourteen-year-old is having a hard time
remembering to be home by ten or eleven, set a curfew.
(There is probably one already in place for your city – look
it up.) It is not enough to simply tell your child she now
has a
You must make the curfew a choice, but one with very
different outcomes. If your daughter chooses to be home on
time for a month, she will be allowed to have unlimited
messaging for her cell phone. If she chooses not to come
home on time, or forgets to call if she will be more than
two minutes late, she loses her cell phone – for a month.
Offer a Choice
Teenagers respect choice. They feel grown-up even if we know
they are not. In the example above it is imperative to
follow through on your outcomes. Get her the unlimited
messaging or take and hide the cell phone the second she
walks through the door. She will throw a fit, or worse,
pretend she doesn’t care, but you have set the limit and you
have enforced it. Notice that there is no need for screaming
or insults throughout the entire situation. She had a
clearly laid out option, she broke the rules, she is
punished.
If, during the month without her phone she continues to come
in late, take something else away. If she starts behaving
the way you would like, offer her phone back a few days
early. The trick is to present things as an option and have
a means to enforce those decisions.
Of course some teens are completely out of control and could
benefit from removal from an entire situation. If this is
the case for your child, seek help as soon as possible.
Military and behavioral boarding schools have been known to
provide the structure some children need to turn their lives
around.
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